“Everything in your life is your choice. If you choose to let someone else make your choices, that, too, is a choice.”
When it comes to your birth experience, what can you choose? The answer is anything, and everything. Birth is not just one day. Your birth experience affects you, your partner, and your newborn; it should be a fulfilling time that you can remember lovingly for the rest of your lives. Many women aren’t aware of the scope of their choices until after their birth experience Starting with location, you can choose the place where you want to give birth. If you want to give birth at home and don’t have access to a homebirth midwife you might choose to go out of state. Some women opt for an unassisted birth.
Some women feel they must follow all the guidelines set by their insurance carriers. If the hospital covered in your insurance plan has high c-section rates and the idea of a c-section stresses you, perhaps changing insurance carriers is a viable choice; or choosing to pay out of pocket for a better birth outcome could work for you. While it seems daunting to cover the full cost of a birth, consider what your husband spent on your engagement ring; when there is value, the cost is always worthwhile.
Once you choose a childbirth caregiver, you can to always choose to continue or discontinue under their care. Women often feel obligated to stay with the birthing caregiver we start with. But things change and choices are flexible.
Women are often afraid that their caregiver might get upset if we choose to go elsewhere at some point during the pregnancy. This birth is always about you and your baby. Your caregiver is hired to serve your needs in pregnancy and childbirth. At any point if your needs change, it is always possible to find another provider who is a better match for you. What tests you want or decline during your prenatal care? You can choose to forgo ultrasounds when there is no clear medical reason. Do you want to hear the fetal heart beat with Doppler (a form or ultrasound) a fetoscope? Do you want glucose tolerance testing? Would you skip group B strep testing? Would you prefer to avoid vaginal exams? Every choice is yours.
Often, women are told that if they don’t give birth by their due date plus a set period of time, labor will be induced. ‘We won’t “let you” go past X date,” is commonly heard by pregnant women. You can agree to be induced, but you can also declide. You simply have to see it as a choice, and state your preferences.
Choices require research and thoughtful consideration on your part.
-During labor do you want to be in your own clothes or a hospital gown?
-Do you want an IV?
-Do you want continuous fetal monitoring?
-Would you prefer to go for a walk outside during labor? Do you want to leave and come back to the hospital later?
-Do you want to experience labor in the tub or shower?
What position would you like to assume during birth? Lying on your back, squatting, kneeling, all fours, standing, semi-seated - these are just some of the options available to you.
Can you give birth in the water? Of course you can - I did, two times - and you can choose whether or not to get in or out of the water at any time.
You have more wonderful choices after the birth: what is the benefit to waiting to cut the umbilical cord? Do you want your baby placed on you immediately after birth, or whisked off have his new baby exam? Do you choose a Hep B vaccine? Do you want to allow formula feeding? Do you think your baby needs antibiotics in his eyes?
Choosing for your child continues throughout your baby’s life.
Making the choices throughout your pregnancy, labor, and birth will give you a good head start. Of course, you must be making informed choices. As tempting as it may seem, you might reconsider just letting your caregiver make your choices - unless of course that is your choice. If you are choosing to have someone else make your choices, you must be willing to accept the consequences of their decisions.
If you want to be in charge of your choices, be fully informed and research each option; from your choices you will create your personalized birth plan, including your decisions on what you are and are not willing to do under different circumstances.
Always remember, your goal is to create the best birthing experience possible for you and your baby and to give your baby the best possible start in life.
Always communicate gently with your birth service providers. They truly want to offer help, and offending or putting them on the defensive will stress you, and change your birth experience. Be respectful and be firm, knowing that you have a right to enforce your choices with both kindness and confidence.
To better understand your all of your birth experience options and choices, I recommend this comprehensive online childbirth eduction course Birthologie - Empowered Childbirth Education. It is written by a mom of 5 who clearly explains the choices you have and the unexpected outcomes that can happen in birth, when they are necessary, and how to avoid those you don’t want to include. Make this your birth experience from the very start. http://www.birthologie.com/online-childbirth-classes/?hop=salgueiro
Pingback: Anonymous
I usually would not actually bother writing someone who has so many fans because I know a response is so unlikely but I have so many questions regarding the above. I am absolutely at my wits end and knotted up with so many emotions about these choices. I know EXACTLY what I want and do not want. I have THOROUGHLY researched each of the above mentioned options AND more. The problem is, is that as strong as I stand in my convictions I am continuously being told and shown that I absolutely do NOT have these choices.
I know that in a perfect world choices are not made against your will… but here in the real world they very simply are. I did absolutely everything in my power to be seen by the only home birthing midwives that I could find in Ohio. Unfortunately, because of insurance and finances there is absolutely nothing I can do to be seen by them. I have tried all of my options and fought with insurance etc… it just isn’t a possibility. That has left me with only hospitals to choose from since the nearest birthing center is multiple hours away.
I have now gone through 3 different OB/GYN offices. Many of these have included midwives and ALL of them are of the same opinion. I have voiced my concerns about specific things like not wanting the baby taken immediately after birth unless there is a medical emergency, not wanting the vitk and eye ointment until an hour after we’ve had time to bond, and many other things. They have all replied in a very hostile way and in lamens terms have told me that they will absolutely do what they feel is right for the baby despite how I feel on the matter. Some things they have said something like “Oh, well I can’t imagine WHY you wouldn’t want the shot and eye ointment immediately but I guess you could suggest it and see if they can work something out.” I mean they are very effectively communicating to me that I do NOT have a choice.
One of the things that scares me more than anything is the cord wrapped around the neck. I absolutely want them to leave the cord the hell alone and I absolutely do not think it is ok for them to cut that cord until baby is entirely delivered and the cord has stopped pulsating. A OBGYN looked at me shocked and said if the cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck that they WILL cut the cord whether I like it or not and that the baby could suffocate!!
I had a friend who basically let doctors do whatever they wanted and didn’t know she had even 1/16th of the choices she did have, have her 4th baby in the hospital near here. Her doctors office had neglected to remember to test her for group b strep prior to labour/delivery. They told her it was REQUIRED that because they didn’t do that test that the baby HAD to stay in the hospital for another 48 hours just in case. She had to sign out AGAINST the will of the hospital and CPS bothered them for months following. She damn near had to have an armed escort to leave and when she did she faced a month of CPS checking out her every move and threatening to take her baby away.
I also have had bad experiences where things were done against my will in the hospital. I have a panic disorder and I have some sensory issues. Because of the sensory issues weird materials touching my body will make me panic. For that reason I do NOT like to wear the hospital gowns. During a panic attack I had 5 nurses and 2 police officers come and restrain me while I was hyperventilating because it was hospital procedure that I MUST wear the hospital gown. Which made me panic. So they forcibly against my will held me down and cut off my clothes while I could not breath to force me to wear that gown. After doing that and after hyperventilating and panick attack subsided an hour or two later… I was NEVER given an IV, there was NO NEED WHATSOEVER for them to have access to anything beneath my clothing, and within the hour of me calming down I was being let go and allowed to change back into MY clothing.
So here is my question… I am absolutely beyond terrified to have this baby in the hospital. I 100% from the bottom of my soul do not trust any of those people with the life of my unborn child. I would give anything in the world not to have to go. I know that I do though my only other alternative is unassisted home birth and unfortunately I know that I am not skilled enough to safely do that. I would not know if there was a problem and I feel I would be endangering my child. So that means the hospital is my only option… how can I get through this? How can I make sure my baby is safe. How can I make these very important choices without CPS trying to take my child away and without people restraining me and doing things to my body and my baby without my permission?